mArIjUaNa’S bLoG

i love you but i have to go, this pain is hurting me so, i wish i have the power to let you go because you did nothing but put bullshits in my head and incise pain into my soul … and yet I continue believing in your crap because I thought I’m there at your bloody heart,, now I see I’m wrong, suffering is a choice, failure is a choice, falling out of love is a choice and stupidity is a choice… now get out of my way before i lost my control and and choose to be stupid through loving you more… but as for now, i know i love you but i’m closing all the doors and windows for you because the only thing that is left of me is my self-respect and dignity…

"Life had been good to me, i think…. it gave me a lot of reasons to hate living but it also gave me zillions of reasons to love breathing… *** and I prefer to be happy… paradoxical statement , huh… but it’s the truth, we are faced with situations where we need to choose, are you gonna give-up or you’re going to tackle them down… life is not easy, it never was, it’s sometimes uncomfortable, it is at times, really unfair, nevertheless, what can we do but continue on living because we are born fighters!!"

i feel so empty, i feel so down,, damn i’m so sad… why can’t i get this thing off my body, off my life, i sometimes feel rotten, why is it like this, i should be happy since life had been going on like before.. how come it feels like something is missing, something’s not right, I should stop this baloney, it’s making me cringe and look down at my so called self..

Wish I could be the one The one who could give you love The kind of love you really need Wish I could say to you That I’ll always stay with you But baby that’s not me You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you Promise you forever, baby that’s something I can’t do Oh I could say that I’ll be all you need But that would be a lie I know I’d only hurt you I know I’d only make you cry I’m not the one you’re needing I love you, goodbye I hope someday you can Find some way to understand I’m only doing this for you I don’t really wanna go But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do You’ll find someone who’ll be the one that I could never be Who’ll give you something better Than the love you’ll find with me Oh I could say that I’ll be all you need But that would be a crime I know I’d only hurt you I know I’d only make you cry I’m not the one you’re needing I love you, goodbye Leaving someone when you love someone Is the hardest thing to do When you love someone as much as I love you Oh I don’t wanna leave you Baby it tears me up inside But I’ll never be the one you’re needing I love you, goodbye Baby, its never ganna work out I love you, goodbye

is forever true? or is it just a lie? is it a dream that can come true? or just a fantasy that will eventually lead to horrendous thing?what is the use or forever?is it really possible to love someone till you both are not breathing anymore?or is it just a word, to make someone like you, is it just a trick to have whom you like? do love really last forever?can it last that long or reach that far even though treachery have been there with you, on the love that you were protecting? on the love that you were cradling carefully in that bosom of yours? Love is uncertainty so as forever but many believes in it, a lot of people trade everything that they have just to be able to have that thing that others have and complain about when it truth they just don’t know how lucky they are to have what everybody wanted but can’t have and fate gave it to them without hesitation and yet they don’t know how to care for it, loving and being love is a gift, being loved and adored by someone is a special gift you can have.. it is not that hard to love someone who really loves you, after all, would it be hard if you know just how lucky you are that someone is willing to go through the fires of hell just for you? It is not hard to love someone if you really want it after all people love using their mind since heart is just for pumping of blood, although it is quite unclear why we feel or felt pain at the area of the heart whenever we have our heart broken… I’ve read a beautiful quote,, “everyone in this world is meant to be loved so if you can’t loved them, at least don’t hurt them…”true but hard to do, why is it so easy to hurt those people who loved us, it is so easy to leave them, it is easy to forget them but why is it hard to leave, forget and most especially hurt the one we love?

“You believe in your dreams. There’s something about
the world that you don’t like, so you turn to
your dreams to escape.”

you’ve come upon a Rough
Stretch. Can you make it through? You’ve come upon hard times.
Things aren’t looking so good to you and your life has seemed to collapse into a
downward spiral. You’ve lost your way and can’t seem to find the right path to
take. You are probably depressed and feeling lonely as you has lost sight
of those who love you. You may wander through this road with a few others like you
and are able to comfort them as they comfort you, but it is not enough. You’ve
lost something, maybe someone close, and with it you lost your faith in life.
You’re probably confused and unsure what to do next. But the way will become
clear eventually. It always does. This stretch that lies before you seems
never-ending and not worth traveling. But don’t let yourself fall, you may
have stumbled upon this, but pick yourself up as best you can and hold on to
that little bit of faith you have. The road isn’t as endless as it seems. All
things, good and bad must come to and end. This too shall pass and you’ll be
amazed at what good lay beyond it if you just find the strength within yourself to
try and make it.

how can you say that you really love someone? is it when you let him/her go to be with the one he/she truly loves or is it when you fight for him/her till the end?how about if he doesn’t love you? are you willing to wait for the day when he’ll realize that he loves you or will you give-up and move on? how about if you two are friends and you decided to be together because you’re comfortable with each other and just so you can have a so-called partner?would that be enough?how about if you’re the best of friends and then you woke up realizing you fell in love with him/her? would you sacrifie the friendship that you have just to have the love you wanted or would you stick with the friendship that is full of pretentions?some said romance or love leads to isolation… it would risk the friednship,some said it would challenge the lovers to make it work because they have friendship as the foundation of their relationship, but is it enough? which is more right? loving a stranger or loving a friend? which is harder letting go or holding on? is it hard to want something that you know you can never have or is it harder to make that someone love you? would you rather have him/her even just for a while, even halfway, just to have a memory to cherish or would you rather stop it before a story begin? love really is a simple word that carries a lot of meaning, a lot of questions, it is only up to those who feels it if what would they do, if they would be happier apart or together? if they’re willing to fight for what they feel or just choose to live separate lives , take different ways…can’t believe i’m saying this, sooooo mushy,,, that’s life,i’m just practicing my skills in writing, if ever i have… Rock On!!

Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

'Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

"i really love this song, but recently lang…i just love a certain line: YOU BLEED JUST TO KNOW YOU’RE ALIVE. it’s kinda wow… but when is the right time to give-up.. when can you say that enough is enough. it is hard to let go of something that you’ve hold on for so long.. it’s so hard that’s why I don’t understand why I’ve waited for someone who don’t have the intention to come. so ironic when you say that you’re happy when he is happy  even though you’re not part of his life anymore, but deep inside you’re hurting and you want to  hide and cry but you don’t know where to go… is it really like that? when you learn to love you will also learn how to fool yourself… stupid me… stupid, stupid, stupid, guess I’m stupid…  parang ang layo na ng sinasabi mo FRANCES sa iris, ah…hmmm…don’t know what to say anymore… hmmm… huh?"

all this years i’ve been so blind, trying to hold on to something i thought i wanted, just then that i realized while talking to a friend, what i’ve been depriving myself of, i thought it is only you that could complete me when in fact i could do it on my own, when in fact you’re just there to remind me that i’m my own woman… that i don’t need you to run my world, i can travel life even without you… i’ve been living in a world of fantasy that i’ve created and made myself believe of the beauties and joy in it and it pained me even more…. God, i’m so dumb.. i keep on telling others about the pros and cons of loving when in fact, i myself don’t even know how to move in the world of love.. it has been years of plain foolishness.. and i’m happy to be awaken… you never really cared, i just thought you did…because that’s what i want to believe in…but wait… awaken? hmmm, nice word to hear,, i just wish it is true and that it would continue ’till i don’t care anymore, …,

did i really fell in love with you,

or did i fell in love with what i thought we had?

which is which,

i don’t know what is…

is that why am i hurting?

or am i just fantasizing?

if this is insanity,

kindly tell mw what is sanity…

coz everytime i try to move on and find someone new,

i only go back to step # 1..

which is trying to forget what is used to be…